What's behind the façade?
by My Chaotic Mind
Summary: Kurt had suppressed the urge for months, but with Karofsky bullying him at school the call of the blade becomes to much for Kurt to resist. When no one at McKinley notices, will a new school and a new boy see beyond Kurt's facade and help him heal and finally allow the scars to fade? TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM IS A BIG PART IN THIS STORY, DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys, this is a new story, obviously, and I hope you enjoy! I do not own any of these characters.** Trigger warning, self harm plays a big role in this story,if that is a trigger for you please do not read. **_

Kurt looked at himself in the mirror. He was relieved that he could pull off long sleeves at any time of the year. His wrist burned under his favourite Armani jacket and he hoped the bandage would stop blood from getting on it. As much as he tried to stop the habit, he just couldn't break it. He was doing so well this past year, he joined the glee club, made friends, got to preform and had officially accepted himself and his orientation. He hadn't indulged in months, and the fact that some pea-brained football player broke him made Kurt dig the knife that much deeper.

Last night was bad. Kurt knew that the scars would take over a week to fade to the point some foundation would blend them in. As much as he hated to admit it, it did make him feel better. The sharp pain of the blade, the sight of blood, _his blood_, pooling and dripping, made Kurt feel more relaxed than he had in a long time. At least winter was coming, that would make things, like long sleeves, easier to explain away. Besides with how invisible Kurt was feeling he didn't think anyone would care enough to notice anyway.

"Kurt," Burt called from the top of the stairs, "you're going to be late".

"Coming." Kurt gave one last tug of his sleeve, wincing at the slight touch of the fabric, and walked upstairs. Burt was sitting in the kitchen sipping his coffee and flipping through tv channels. "Dad, you know the doctor said no more caffeine…" Kurt took the cup from his dads' hands and put it in the sink.

"Kurt, I've been drinking coffee for over twenty years, and the doctor said less caffeine, not _no_ caffeine." Burt got up and poured himself a new cup. "Do you have Glee today?"

"Yeah, I won't be home till about five. I'm going to help Rachael with yet another one of her solos."

Burt chuckled "You'd think eventually even she would get sick of her own voice. Well, have fun kid." Kurt hugged his dad and headed out. He had finally convinced Burt to give him his car back, after the whole broken windshield incident, with a lot of begging and promising not to get into any more trouble. Kurt started the car and drove the short distance to McKinley, grabbed the first spot he could and just parked.

Being normal was harder than he thought. He couldn't bear the thought of his dad finding out about last night, or the other scars scattered across his body. The past few weeks of smiling and taking care of his dad was beginning to take a toll on Kurt that he hadn't realized until last night. He felt awful for it, but he just felt done. He was done with school, and glee, and home, he was simply done...

Kurt shook his head, he knew that wasn't fair. He loved his father, more than anything. Burt was the best father in the world, understanding, patient, kind. What father in Ohio accepts his gay son without so much as a word against it. He loved Glee as well. Glee club was his first real friend base, and it felt just as much like a home as his actual home. School was the reason; he couldn't face another day of terror like the last few.

He stared at the dashboard, he couldn't get up the courage to just open the door and get out. He was terrified. What if _he _was waiting for him, what if one of the Glee kids saw, what if Kurt felt the urge again, what if he let everyone down? Kurt felt tears begin to sting at his eyes and he tried to hold them back. He had come so far this past year, and he could feel himself going back to who he was: the depressed, cutting, in the closet gay kid who was so alone and pushed everyone away. He couldn't let himself go back to that, if it wasn't for Glee being created at just the right moment last year Kurt didn't think he would even be here. He could hear Rachael's voice telling him "being a part of something special makes you special", but for the first time he wasn't sure special was a good thing.

_Hey guys, me again. I hope you enjoyed thus far. Please review! There will be more to come I promise. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey Guys! Just a reminder that I do not own any of the characters you see, they all belong to Ryan Murphy and the other creators of the show. **Trigger Warning, there is self harm in this chapter and through out the story so please read at own caution. **Other than that I hope you like chapter two, please Review!_

**Thud Thud Thud**

Kurt jumped as he saw six football players bang on his windows as they walked by and into the school. Words like _"_queer" and "freak"and other not so creative names were being yelled at him from outside the safe haven of his car. Kurt tried to lower himself in his seat, but his still buckled seatbelt made it difficult for him to escape. Once it was clear Kurt was under no circumstances leaving his car they left quickly, but one lingered.

"Hey Fancy, get out of the car." Kurt attempted to sink even lower in his seat as Karofsky tried to get into the car. He silently thanked the fact that his car stayed locked automatically until he took his keys from the ignition.

"You can't stay in their forever" he banged on the window again. "Fine…I'll see you in the halls." Karofsky gave one last attempt to open the door before he walked away and into the school building.

Kurt could feel himself shaking. He never would have thought Karofsky would be waiting for him when he got to school. Not even his car was safe for him anymore; Karofsky was right he would have to get out sooner or later. Kurt's phone buzzed in his pocket and he looked down to find a text from Rachael asking where he was and if he had time to meet before class starts. He sent a quick reply saying he got a late start, and would see her later. Throwing his phone into his bag he unbuckled his seatbelt, took the keys out and walked quickly into the school going straight to the nearest bathroom.

He entered handicap stall and ignoring his instinct not to, he slid to the floor. Reaching into his bag and going into the inner pocket, he took out the exacto knife he put there months ago. He hadn't used this blade in a long time; it was his school blade, small and easy to hide. He had been meaning to take it out and throw it away but he couldn't. After needing it for so long it felt like a friend, and now he needed his friend more than ever. He slid his jacket off, making sure to carefully drape it over his bag so it wouldn't touch the floor. Just holding the blade helped Kurt slow and relax his heartbeat and breathing. Looking at the bandage he could see that blood was already seeping into the bandage and Kurt was glad he thought to pack an extra. Seeing the blood made something inside Kurt panic and want more. Before he could even think he was quickly ripping the bandage from his wrist and holding the silver blade to his pale skin.

The sense of relief was instant. Kurt could feel his entire body relax and his muscles unknot and ease. The sight of crimson on porcelain made him smile and he could feel his head clear as he began to wipe the blood away with toilet paper. He stood shakily, and quickly exited the stall and ran water over his arm. He watched the blood wash away, wishing he could have watched the blood pool on his arm longer. He ran water over his blade, not wanting any blood to linger, taking more time to wash his blade than his actual cuts.

Turning off the water he grabbed a handful of paper towels and headed back into the stall. He carefully dried off his arm, making sure to carefully dab at his skin with the towel. Using the paper towels he wrapped his arm once, hoping that this extra layer would help protect the new bandage. Grabbing the ace bandage from his bag he began to wrap his arm, wincing at the pressure on such fresh wounds. He tried to evenly wrap the bandage around his arm so it wouldn't be obvious under his jacket. This was something Kurt was proud of; he could wrap a mean bandage. He used to practice wrapping and unwrapping his arm, perfecting the art so no one would ever question him. There had been times where Kurt had cut so bad he had to openly wear a bandage for over a week, convincing his father and school that he had simply sprained his wrist.

The bell signifying first period jarred Kurt back to reality. He swiftly stowed his knife into its pocket and gingerly put his jacket back on. He walked in a daze to his first classes, muttering some excuse about traffic to his teacher for being late and sat down in his seat. Tina waved to him from across the room and he smiled and nodded at her. Kurt took out his notebook and began doodling different designs he had been thinking of recently. He just couldn't help but picture Rachael's dress for the Tony Awards, and no matter how he drew it, he couldn't get it just right. He closed his notebook and laid his head on the desk, just wishing Glee club would hurry up and start, only three more periods to go…

/.../.../.../.../.../.../

The day had been going fine so far. He had made it through his first three classes with no sign of Karofsky. Kurt was finally starting to feel like his day wouldn't be so bad, when he met up with Tina to walk to Glee. He liked Tina, sure her voice could use some work, but she was a sweet girl who never really minded singing backup. She was an original member of Glee, like himself, and had never judged Kurt. She may have lied about her speech for a while, but Kurt saw it as a habit or a coping mechanism, and who was he to judge about that.

Through his haze of thoughts, Kurt heard Tina ask about his new swearer trend, "Oh yes, sweaters are"

**SLAM. **

Kurt felt the lockers hit his shoulder hard as Karofsky came up behind him and Tina. Karofsky didn't say a word as he pushed Kurt, just walked away with half a smile on his face. Kurt rotated his shoulder a bit relieved that nothing seemed wrong.

"You ok?" Tina was obviously worried. She reached out to grab Kurt's arm.

"I'm fine" Kurt tried to force a smile, as he straightened himself out. _Where did he come from? I thought I was looking out for him_. Kurt glanced around the halls again, before walking quickly to Glee club. He hoped Shuester had something planned. Kurt needed to lose himself in a project, to keep the urge down. He was already starting to feel sick and shaky, but he knew he couldn't do it again at school. At least not today.

Kurt entered the room and walked over to his usual seat. He saw some of his friends look up and smile at him as he walked in, but he didn't have the energy to plaster on a fake smile. He sat down and waited for Shuester speak. He heard Schue welcome back Puck, and Kurt did smile a bit at that. Even though it had been Puck who had made his life a living hell freshman year, Kurt had a soft spot for him. Since Puck joined Glee, he had been different. True he never really spoke to Kurt, but he would sometimes smile up at him, and he began to stand up for him against the other jocks. Kurt was sad for Puck when he was placed in juvie, he wasn't a bad kid, just misunderstood.

Kurt barely listened as Schue moved onto the competition list for sectionals, although one school did stick out in his mind: The warblers. All of a sudden a few of the Glee members began to snicker. He looked over at Santana who had apparently just made a gay joke. Kurt sighed, not even here was he safe against bullying. He knew that they never meant any real harm, but he was getting tired of the gay jokes being thrown at him in glee.

"Boy vs. Girl Week" Kurt's face lit up into a genuine smile as he heard these words come out of Schues mouth. He had been waiting for a chance to sing with the girls, and he and Rachael had been working on some killer numbers. He stood and walked over to the girls who were all pretending not to listen as Rachael began throwing out ideas.

"Kurt, Boys team." Kurt felt like he had been punched. He didn't want to sing with the guys again. He wasn't wanted there with Finn, and Artie and everyone. He wasn't accepted as one of the guys. Kurt walked over and silently sat with the boys who were discussing rock songs and drum solos. Kurt looked at the clock, 30 more minutes until this period was over. This was one of the first times he wished Glee would end early.


End file.
